Brant McMeans Digital Gallery

This website serves the purpose of a digital gallery to display a collection of art work I have created over the years.  Some were done with the traditional use of pencil or mixed media on paper or Illustration board.  Most were done in Photoshop, set up for printing and then printed. I chose Ethereal Tantrum as the title of this website because it seems to be an accurate description of what so much of my art is most often about.  I started drawing at a young age and found that I not only enjoyed it but had an affinity for it. 

    A strange thing for an kid with ADHD (before that "condition" was even discovered) easily distracted and usually bored and uncomfortable sitting in one place for very long. In grade school, I always chose art as one of my elective courses.  I enjoyed cars, football, weight training, girls and spending time with friends.  As active as I was, I still needed alone time and found drawing to be a rewarding way to spend some quality alone time.  Not to mention it was motivating to see the positive reactions my parents, friends and teachers always had when I finished some sketch or project.  I was in the National Art Honor Society in High school and won some “Gold Key” Awards at UIL Art Shows. 

    However, football and friends were far more desirable to me. I was a 1st Team All District Defensive Lineman and a 1st Team all-District Offensive Lineman as well as an All South Plains Defensive Lineman.  I was a Head Hunter, never cared much for sports but running a 4.6 sec 40 meter sprint headfirst into unsuspecting running backs or pulling to smash a defensive end or linebacker with bad intentions was like a drug to me. Hearing an entire stadium gasp in unison, " OOOHHHHHH!!" after I laid a hit on a player....KLACK!!!  felt better than any touchdown ever could. Trust me.

However, I was a division 3A football player (nice place to be, it is big enough to be respectfully competitive but small enough that you didn't have to be a Genetic Freak to be a superstar). Sadly though, Division 1 university coaches don't have much room for a 190 lb. 5'8" lineman.  I never intended on playing after high school anyway.

    I attended Texas Tech University and decided to give Architecture a chance.  Incoming freshman aspiring to be Architectural students had to bring a portfolio of artwork to the Architecture professors before they could be accepted to even enroll in the freshman level Architecture classes.  I showed up in blue jeans, a t-shirt and tennis shoes with a big black trash bag containing my award winning artwork.  I very quickly felt inadequate as I looked at all the other students who were dressed professionally and carried large leather zip up portfolio cases.  About the time my anxiety rose to a level of turning around and leaving I felt a strange smile across my face.  The smile of confidence. For all the damage football may have done to me, one of the best attributes that experience left me with was the ability to find courage when felt overwhelmed by fear. 

    I couldn't wait to see the comparison of the contents of these fancy portfolios and the contents of my Glad trash bag.  The professors accepted me without hesitation and not a single comment was made about my trash bag portfolio case or my choice of clothing.

    This was 1990 so there was no internet and all work was to be done in the Architecture building.  I did well in my classes but realized I did not have the kind of passion I would need to pursue this degree.  These students lived in that building!  Often working through the night to finish projects.  Bragging about their "all-nighters".  I called them "ArchiDorks".  I turned my projects in without "pulling all-nighters".  Besides, it was interfering with my bodybuilding. I was an athlete and an artist and at that time my most important art project was the living breathing meat puppet I am trapped inside of.  I figured, if this is what I have to walk around in it I'm going to turn it into a Bad Ass sculpture.

    I went undecided and got my basic courses out of the way and decided to declare Design Communication as my major.  But a year or so into it the curriculum, the same situation developed. My talent got me passing grades but I was not putting my best effort in.  I was too busy becoming a bodybuilder. 

    By this time I was 5'8" 235 lbs. lean enough for abs to be visible and had 20" arms and 31" thighs with a 29" waist.  I could bench press 460 lbs, hit a set of 5 with 405 lbs., and squat 700 lbs.  I still have some old VHS tapes of some of those workouts squatting 600 lbs. for six reps.  I was on a mission for success!  I carried food with me to classes because I had to eat every 3 hours.  Finally, one of the professors had a conference with me.  He explained that even though he knew I had the talent to be a successful designer, the work I was turning in, though good enough to pass and graduate would not be the quality work companies would hire me with.  He pointed out my obvious obsession with muscles and said Texas Tech has an Exercise and Sports Science degree that I may find more appealing.  I left with my pride hurt because I knew I could do better artwork than I had been turning in.  I drove to my parents' home to discuss this quagmire. I cried tears of frustration and fear on that 40 minute unannounced drive.

   I didn't want to be a coach or P.E. teacher or a Cardiac Rehab Specialist!  I was already an Open Class Qualified Competitive Amateur body builder in the NPC (National Physique Committee)! There was no degree plan for that at Texas Tech.....I got that at Texas Power Gym! I was going to be a professional body builder.  My parents supported that concept but they assured me I would not leave that University without a Bachelor's Degree.  Time was running out so I declared Exercise and Sports Science as my major.  I did well in those courses and had enough art classes to claim a minor in Art. I finally got a 4 year degree in about 5 and a half years.  But not before I won 1st Place in the NPC Metroplex Classic as an Open Class Heavyweight.  The promoter of the competition as well as the judges assured me that it was imperative for me to compete in the Junior Nationals that year as a Light Heavyweight!  I was proud and flattered but I had seen too far behind the curtain of that sport and I could not justify the drug warfare I would have to commit to if I wanted to follow that dream.  I said thank you but I am done. It was like having the earth yanked out from under me.  I had to turn my back on something I loved and spent years of discipline, sacrifice, pain and injuries pursuing....and I had to turn my back on it  KNOWING I COULD FULFILL THAT GOAL!  What the hell am I gonna do with my life!

    I went the personal training route for a career. I was good at it and even enjoyed it.  The money wasn't bad either.  Unfortunately after about four years of it I fell into a catastrophic depression not knowing what to do to earn a respectable living doing something I loved.

  I had to move back to my little hometown an unemployed failure.

I was blessed with wonderful parents.  They were my best friends, God rest their souls.  But they were also disciplinarians, role models and flawed human beings, though none of that ever stopped us from making each other laugh daily, hugging and saying "I love you." Every Day.

   I guess I was about 27 -28 years old going nowhere.  I substitute taught for a bit...what a nightmare!  I did odd jobs for my parents' home like painting the entire inside and outside.  It wasn't an actual job but it kept me busy and saved my parents thousands of dollars in labor costs, which kept me in their good graces and that kept me from self destructing.  

  One night I was getting close to finishing a pencil drawing ("The Sanctuary", which happens to be in this portfolio). I had started it several years ago but never really found the time to work on it because of my job, chores....life.  My Dad came in the room and took one look at it and said, "I don't believe that you can't make a living with that talent."  I beamed with gratitude for the compliment, then quickly said, "because I don't know how to use a computer."  I am a Generation X so I made it all the way through a Bachelor's Degree without ever using a single computer.  We used libraries, Microfiche, pen or pencil, paper and text books.  I mean we had some basic word processing and spreadsheet classes that were required but that was it.  So he responded with, "why don't you take some classes?"  I certainly had the time and there was a Junior College about 30 minutes away.  So I made a couple of calls and set up a meeting with the head of their Commercial Art Program.  I told him I wanted to learn Photoshop.  This was around 1998 so he had an IMAC lab.  He said Photoshop is a sophomore class so I would have to take his Illustrator and Pagemaker freshman classes before he would let me take a Photoshop class.  Long story short he talked me into getting an Associates Degree from South Plains College.  Since I already had a Bachelor's degree I only had to take one speech class and an oil painting class in addition to his software classes.  He also made me go to the graduation ceremony and walk across the stage for my diploma.  I told him that I didn't even bother with that at Texas Tech.....he said well... you'll bother coming to this one or I won't pass you and you won't get a degree.  "Ok", I said.  My parents even went.
​  I worked in a couple of different sign shops, hourly wage stuff. Some of the jobs were really cool, but mostly I just plowed through work orders as quickly as possible day after day and finally thought.....damn, I could easily make twice as much money with Personal Training and have twice the freedom. So I went back to training and have done it for a living ever since.  That is how I make my living as I'm typing this now.  I have lifted weights consistently with intensity for 32 years minus 1 and a half years when I moved back home.  I have been a Personal Fitness Trainer for over 20 years.

     OH YEAH!!! ETHEREAL TANTRUM!!!!  ADHD.

I am one of those people who has zero doubt that God Almighty exists.  I'm not big on "preaching", especially when the subject has not been requested,  but I will engage in "debate" if a person feels the need to assert themselves upon me.  To each their own I say.  Believe what you will.  As long as that belief does not put me, my family, friends or any other "innocent" persons life in danger.  Besides, faith cannot be forced. It cannot even be given. It has to be FOUND.  If you don't have faith....I think it would be a wise idea to begin some kind of search.

   We are Spiritual beings that are temporarily held hostage in these "Meat Puppets" we call bodies.  No disrespect to the human mind and body.  It is an amazing machine.  No disrespect to this life either.  It has amazing potential.  However, there is one inarguable fact about our "Meat Puppets" and this life. They are both TEMPORARY.  Death will catch us all.  It does not matter what you believe.

    I have to send a caveat.....faith does not guarantee bliss or contentment or shelter from terrible things that can happen in the blink of an eye and with no fault of our own.  In fact, ignorance is bliss.  "With wisdom comes sorrow."  With much wisdom comes much sorrow.  

   My natural ''instincts" or "desires" are occasionally in direct opposition of the very faith that gives this short life any hope at all.  It is a constant battle within.  I win a bunch and lose a bunch.  You'd think once you finally saw the light, you would be transmogrified in some magnificent way that would align your every thought and action with God's Will.  Well it does NOT.  We are not only given freedom of choice but we are given desires that are often a step in the direction of selfish Evil.  Right down to the words we choose to speak with each other, down to every single 'thought" that runs through our minds.

 I discussed this disconcerting dilemma with my best friend when we were probably juniors in high school.  I was disturbed by many of the things that could fly through my mind, and I would have to capture that thought and analyze it very closely.  "What are you doing in my mind!"  My friend responded with a very wise comment considering our age.  He said, " your mind is capable of thinking anything. A lot of thoughts are simply your brain contemplating possibilities.  That is part of being human. It is not always what you think or feel that defines your Spiritual Integrity but what you choose to do with those thoughts that defines your Spiritual essence."  Hmmm.  Good answer.  That friend later retired as a Lieutenant Colonel from the United States Marine Corps and has been all over the world and seen, thought, felt and possibly done or had to do things many of us are fortunate enough to not have.  We are still friends and communicate on a semi regular basis.

  There is still a remaining issue with thoughts and feelings.  Many times we chose to behave against our true feelings because we believe it would be wrong to do otherwise but we still feel the same way about it.

  I don't want to leave anyone with the idea that I am haunted with wicked, hateful....evil thoughts and feelings that make me a danger to society.....but sometimes enough to be dangerous to myself.

ETHEREAL TANTRUM.